VIDEO: The incredible bravery of Gisele Pelicot

SARAH FERGUSON, PRESENTER:  Gisèle Palko, thank you for joining us this evening.

GISELE PELICOT:  Thank you.

SARAH FERGUSON:  We are here today because of a decision that you made that you wanted the trial of your ex-husband and his 50 accomplices to be an open trial and for your identity to be made public. Why did you make that decision?

GISELE PELICOT:  I didn't make this decision straight away. It took me four years to think it through, because I think that, like all victims, confronted with this kind of individual, you know that it's going to be very complicated and then over time, as I rebuilt myself, regained my self-confidence, I told myself that it might actually be good to oppose the closed court and I have never regretted that decision, because I wanted people to stop thinking of the victim as the guilty party,  the guilty were those accused sitting in front of me. 

I had nothing to reproach myself for, and what’s more, I had all the evidence to prove the truth. 

SARAH FERGUSON:  Of course, the decision that you made about the cold case was a long journey from the moment where you first discovered what your husband had done. You go to the police station, you think you are there because your husband has been caught upskirting women in a supermarket. You are sitting across the table from the police officer. What did he say?

GISELE PELICOT:   I thought they are going to tell me what Mr Pelicot had done and since he had warned me, that is all I was expecting then I realised the interview was taking a different turn. 

He questioned me about my private life, my sex life with Mr Pelicot. How would I describe Mr Pelicot and I don't really understand the questions, until the moment the officer said I wouldn’t like what he is about to show me and then obviously, I saw one, two, maybe three photos, and I don't realize that this woman was me because I don't recognise her. 

She is dressed differently, she was asleep, more than asleep, because we found out later it was practically general anaesthesia. 

I have no memory of what Mr Pelicot did to me so I had trouble understanding that this person was me. 

I think I realized five or six hours later when I got home. I even thought at the beginning the pictures could be photoshopped, that someone had it in for Mr. Pelicot. Not for a second did I think that this man could have subjected me to so many rapes. 

That was a bombshell, I felt my life collapsing, the pedestal I’d put him on all my life was collapsing. My 50 years was falling apart. 

On top of that, I had to tell my children. I think those were the worst moments of my life.

SARAH FERGUSON:  You had to learn the terrible details of how Mr Pelicot was able to do the things that he did by rendering you unconscious. How was he able to do that? How did he do that?

GISELE PELICOT:  He explained to the court that he had subdued an defiant woman because when we were together, our relationship was pretty good.  

I wasn't under Mr Pélicot's control, on the contrary, I stood up to him when we disagreed. We sometimes had difficult moments but he knew I wasn't under his control and it would have been very complicated for him to get the sexual favours he wanted from me. 

So, since he had this perversion in him, he found a nurse on the internet who explained to him what the protocol was and that's what he did. 

Over the years, he would increase or decrease the doses so as not to put me in danger, that's what he said. But of course, my life was in danger. I might not have been here, in front of you today. 

This perversion, perversion, he had it in him for years, but he didn't have it. I think he had buried it deep within himself for a very long time. But with the childhood he might have had, I think all of that came back to the surface.

SARAH FERGUSON:  And that word protocol is a truly horrible word.

GISELE PELICOT:  Yes, he had a whole cocktail to sedate his victim so that she would remember nothing. 

When he put this drug in my glass or in my food, I was completely obliterated. It was like a general anaesthetic, just like when you go into the operating room, and come back to your room, you wake up, you have no memory and it was exactly like that for me. 

But it was lucky I had no memory, it was lucky I didn’t wake up from the pain of what was done to me because I think that would have been very hard. 

SARAH FERGUSON:  You were having blackouts, memory loss, sleeping issues. What did you tell yourself was happening to you?

GISELE PELICOT:  At first, I thought I might have the same illness as my mother, who died very young from neurological issues.  I thought it had caught up with me so I went to see several neurologists, and none of them was able to deliver a proper diagnosis. 

I was treated for anxiety, for early-onset Alzheimer's, for a stroke and the blackouts continued despite all the visits to the neurologists and doctors. But what you have to remember that Mr Pelicot came with me and no one would think that a woman whose husband came with her could also be drugged by him. 

He also came with me to the gynaecologist. No one would think this woman was going through hell behind closed doors and they also thought this is just a woman getting old so she should accept her lot as a woman, getting older, experiencing health issues.

SARAH FERGUSON:  You said in court that before the discovery you were (French) happy and fulfilled. How was Mr Pelicot able to conceal himself so entirely from you?

GISELE PELICOT:  That is an answer I struggle with today because I lived with Mr Pelicot for 50 years, and I thought those 50 years weren’t just been a lie, because I couldn't imagine for a second that he could drug me the way he did for so many years. 

All our friends, my children, everyone, this sordid affair has devastated all of us. We couldn't fathom this side of Monsieur Pelicot. 

The expert psychiatrist explained it very well. Mr Pelicot has two personalities. On side A he presented as a kind and caring man and side B the dark side of himself, opting for the lowest oint of the human soul which no one could have detected until, November 2nd, when we discovered what he had subjected me to for so many years.

SARAH FERGUSON:  You told your adult children. They wanted to obliterate their father immediately, destroy every item related to him in the house. You did not. Why was that?

GISELE PELICOT:  Because we weren’t in the same position. I chose to live with Mr Pelicot,  I fell in love with Mr Pelicot. We decided to live together, to build our life together. We had three children. I didn't want to erase all those good memories. 

For my children, it was the opposite. They weren't in the same position, and they had these feelings of hatred and anger and of betrayal, too. 

They wanted to erase their father from everything and that was reasonable for my children. It’s that we wouldn't have the same reaction.

SARAH FERGUSON:  But it must have made you extremely lonely even more lonely in the moment.

GISELE PELICOT:  I mostly felt helpless faced with their distress, They were devastated, and I was trying to save whatever I could. It was very complicated. 

I tried to keep going and above all as a mother not collapse in front of my children. Their father was in prison, they’d lost their father, and I didn't want them to take on that suffering. It wasn't for them to bear it; it was up to me to absorb their suffering.

SARAH FERGUSON:  I think there are many people who know your story, who are listening to you who don't understand how it was possible to keep going? What was it in you that made it possible to live through each day at that time?

GISELE PELICOT:  Since I was very young, I lost my mother when I was very young, and my brother, I went through a series of tragedies and great suffering and I think that’s what made me,  I formed a shell around me for protection and I think that helped me. 

I told myself this was just another life test that I had to face it. I had to get back up and I didn’t do too badly because I have an incredible will to live. 

It seems to me that life is worth living despite the challenges it sends your way. I'm not saying it's easy for everyone, mind you, but I think we have the resources within us. We can say to ourselves with this will to live, you have to see it and embrace it. 

As for me, I almost, I was a survivor. I could have died many times. I told myself I was lucky to be alive, so now I savour every day that passes.

SARAH FERGUSON:  Initially, you chose not to watch the many videos that he had filmed, only at one stage to read the descriptions of what he had done. Can you tell me about that experience of reading the details of the people who came, who they were, and what they did?

GISELE PELICOT:  Yes. When I started reading the indictment of those individuals and saw all the details, what shocked me deeply was the ages of the accused because they were between 22 and 70 from all socio-economic groups, married, single, fathers. 

And the details are unimaginably violent. Reading what they were capable of doing to me and when I read that, there are moments when I wanted to scream because it was unbearable; they could subject me to so much violence. 

But perhaps this enabled me to watch the videos later, because I already knew what he’d done.

SARAH FERGUSON:  At trial, you had to face the co-defendents as well as Mr Pelicot being there. You looked, from the outside, you looked in control, even calm. What was it really like seeing those 50 men in that courtroom?

GISELE PELICOT:  I started by telling myself that I didn’t want to let anything show. I wanted to be dignified to show them that they couldn't get to me. They could challenge me, or stare at me. I'm not saying it's easy. There were moments when I wanted to scream, but I didn't want to give them that satisfaction. So yes, you have to be strong to take all those blows that is how I described it. 

I was like a boxer who keeps getting knocked down but gets back up every time. That's the image I projected. 

And then, what was absolutely unbearable, was hearing the President of the Court speak about "sex scenes" because he (Mr Pelicot) was presumed innocent even with all those videos confirming the truth, that was unbearable for me. 

And when I took the stand again, I said that it was unacceptable to hear them called "sex scenes," because for me, they were rape scenes, and they should use the right words. 

SARAH FERGUSON:  The impact of the trial was felt all around the world. The impact just grew and grew as it continued; women from all over the world wrote you letters, sent you messages. What were they saying to you?

GISELE PELICOT:  When I saw all those women arriving at the court - I was only going to come for 15 days - when I saw them coming to give me strength, coming to support me, I felt a responsibility to stay there with them. 

Every evening when I got home, letters were arriving by the thousands at the Avignon courthouse and every evening, when I got back, I felt the need to be with them. 

I would open the letters very carefully with a letter opener and I discovered they’d also suffered. Some had been raped, some victims of incest, and I had become a sort of confidante. 

It was so difficult to reply to all those letters. So today, I they’re listening “thank you”, because they gave me a lot of strength, and that I support them, and I know that it is very, very, very difficult when you are a victim, but they absolutely must stop feeling guilty. 

I have this scarf around my neck today as well, which was given to me by all these Australian women, Indigenous women and I take great pride in wearing it because I feel truly connected with all these women today. 

I never would have imagined my words would echo so widely way beyond our borders. It was very important for me to be supported like that.

SARAH FERGUSON:  You said at the trial (French), I don't know how I'm going to reconstruct, rebuild myself, but it seems to me you are rebuilding yourself. In the book, at the heart of the story there is a search for love after the devastating loss of your mother as a child. She resonates through the book. If she were here now, what would you tell her about how you are, how you are doing?

GISELE PELICOT:  I would say ‘thank you’ to her not just to my mother but also my father. They gave me good genes to cope with life's difficulties. They also dealt with sickness, pain and grief and stayed standing. 

They passed on a joy in living to me and I am passing the same torch of this joy to all the women and men listening to me today. 

Life is worth living and you absolutely must be happy, allow yourself happiness, and be happy because we live in a very anxiety-inducing world and we need messages of love and peace. It is very important to be at peace with oneself. You have to deep reinventing your life, even after 70, it’s very important. 

To love again is a beautiful victory for me, to have the chance to love again, that it’s possible for me to trust someone, to trust a man again.

SARAH FERGUSON:  Gisèle Palcau, thank you so much for joining us this evening. Thank you. 

GISELE PELICOT:  It is me who should be thanking you.