Tips for how parents can talk to boys and young men about the manosphere
Boys and young men are attracted to the manosphere because they want connection, experts say. (Pexels: Cottonbro Studio)
Researchers agree the manosphere can sow some dangerous seeds.
They say the community of online influencers and content creators that positions boys and men as "victims" of gender equality can lead to them adopting offensive and outdated views.
And in more severe cases, it can lead to violence.
Researchers have published a guide to combat the impact of the manosphere in schools, but what should families know about how to deal with misogynistic attitudes and behaviours if they pop up at home?
Loading...Be curious, don't erupt
Tom Harkin from Tomorrow Man, a company that runs workshops in high schools, says the key is staying calm and staying curious.
"The way that we often go wrong is we panic as parents and we can think we've got to directly challenge and tell them what's right from wrong," he says.
"But the first thing we need to do is regulate our emotions and show that we're not rattled, we're not going to make a big deal out of it, we're able to stay present, stay centred, stay open."
Tom Harkin says don't get rattled when you talk to a young person about the manosphere. (Supplied: Tom Harkin)
He says young people are ending up in the manosphere because they're looking for a sense of surety around who they're supposed to be and how to get success, respect and relationships.
"So in the vacuum of a sustainable answer to what it means to be a good man in modern society, they're going online seeking these answers and ending up down the rabbit hole of the manosphere with short-term answers that the research will tell us isn't healthy for them or the people they live with and love," he says.
Keep asking questions and being curious when trying to talk about the manosphere with a boy or young man. (Pexels: kaboompics)
"So the curiosity piece is just 'Hey, tell me about what you're looking at', or 'tell me about what's being said there' and just stay a long time in the curiosity [space]."
Mr Harkin says if you don't stay curious and instead get reactive, "then they're not going to let you into their thinking".
"You want them to stay in the conversation because the more they're unpacking it with you, the more they're starting to critically think and realise that some of the messaging in the manosphere is not built in the solid foundations of logic and proof points."
Matt Tyler says legitimate content can be "laced" with misogynistic messaging. (ABC News: Scott Preston)
Matt Tyler, who runs the Men's Project at Jesuit Social Services, agrees that the key is not to panic.
He says parents should remember that boys and young men can engage with manosphere content for a whole range of reasons.
"It puts forward legitimate content, maybe fitness, maybe related to how to get rich … there are many messages in the manosphere that in and of themselves are legitimate," he says.
"But they're laced and intersected with othering; othering of women, of LGBTQIA+ people, also there's a lot in the manosphere that is classist, talking down to a lot of people that aren't as wealthy."
He suggests asking questions like: "Where did you hear that?" or "What are you thinking when you say that?"
Pitfalls to avoid
Mr Tyler says parents need to remember that people show up in the manosphere because they want connection, and that going too hard with criticism or judgement only serves to drive boys and young men further into it.
"As soon as a parent goes to say 'Shut that down', or, 'That's bulls***', then all you're doing is reinforcing some of the reasons why that young person is accessing that material in the first place, they're seeking belonging, they're seeking connection," he says.
Documentary maker Louis Theroux (left) has just released Inside the Manosphere, in which he speaks to male influencers. (Supplied: Netflix)
Mr Harkin says the key is not to interrogate the person.
"The worst thing you can possibly do is ask machine-gun questions when you're getting grunts and short answers, and just to keep on peppering with questions that feel loaded with a clear belief system," he says.
"If it's obvious and evident that you don't believe that they're thinking in the right way, you don't think they should be entertaining or consuming this thinking of any of these influences, then they're not going to unpack that thinking with you.
"So, trying not to ask repeat questions, to crowd out the space."
No amount of talking can change my loved one's mind. Is it too late?
No to Violence works with men to change their abusive or violent behaviour.
Its chief executive, Phillip Ripper, says people who have been fully indoctrinated in the manosphere can still find a way out.
But normally, it happens after they've become disillusioned with the message they've been sold.
"When they see that their seeking of help has actually led them down a path of isolation, not into community. When they see that they weren't ever going to be helped by the manosphere, that they were only ever going to be played and profited from, that's when men and boys start becoming disenchanted and look for ways out," he said.
But he says there needs to be more research into what causes that disillusionment.
"We're still learning so much more about people's experience of the manosphere and that's why we need to invest far more in this important type of research,"he said.
"A figure I heard the other day is that 0.2 per cent of all research in family violence relates to perpetration.
"So we're not going to fix family violence and we're not going to disrupt pathways into violence until we start looking at the source of the problem, and that's things like the manosphere and the pathway that it takes young men and boys into becoming the next generation of men who use family violence."
What other help is there?
Mr Tyler says it's important that the views of the manosphere are tackled from multiple angles.
On top of family intervention, action is underway to tackle the impact of the manosphere in schools, with education experts releasing a guide for teachers and support staff.
But Mr Tyler also wants more onus on online platforms to do more and remove the most hate-filled content.
The tech billionaires: Meta's Mark Zuckerberg (left), Amazon's Jeff Bezos (centre), Google's Sundar Pichai and X's Elon Musk (right). (AP:Julia Demaree Nikhinson)
He argues they "prioritise clicks and profit over the wellbeing of boys and the people in their lives, including women and girls".
"The responsibility should sit with these platforms that are hosting these voices, and there's a responsibility to make the internet hostile to misogyny," he says.
Mr Ripper agrees, and says focusing on parents for solutions is "looking down the wrong end of the telescope".
"We should be focusing on the four billionaire tech bros who are benefiting from hate, misogyny and division," he says.
"What we have is not a parenting problem, what we have is a policy failure of governments across the world, and the Australian government … that's become a problem for parents."