Women share accounts of harassment and assault at informal kava groups

Ainakea Kaafi remembers sitting in a circle of men, gripping a wooden spoon.

"They will try things, and I will just sit there in the circle and just start beating them with the spoon, and telling them to back off," she says.

"They'll be all up in your ear trying to kiss you on the cheek or even bite your ear."

For Ms Kaafi, these moments were not isolated.

Her experiences reflect a growing conversation within Tongan communities, as women speak out about harassment and abuse in informal kava gatherings.

At these social events, people come together to drink kava — a beverage known for its calming effects — while they talk.

However, the conduct of some of these kava groups and the role of female kava servers, known as tou'a, have recently come under scrutiny online.

Women have begun sharing anonymous accounts of harassment and assault through a platform run by podcaster Akanesi Kaufusi, who posts their stories with consent.

Many of those accounts describe incidents at informal faikava gatherings, including unwanted touching, explicit sexual comments and pressure to perform sexual acts.

'Anamalia 'Aho, of Tonga Police's Domestic Victims Unit, says they are yet to receive complaints or reports from female tou'a. 

However, she says these women may potentially feel unable to speak out.

'Social controls' no longer respected

Earlier this year, a Utah-based kava group drew widespread attention after a video circulated online showing a member and a female tou'a performing an explicit act.

Women's rights activist 'Ofa Guttenbeil-Likiliki says in the past, these kava sessions operated with strong social controls that elders and participants were aware of.

But today, there is often a lack of proper respect.

Speaking to New Zealand radio station 531pi, Ms Guttenbeil-Likiliki says "in contemporary diaspora settings, those traditional structures are often absent and weakened".

"Elders are missing, leadership is unclear, and expectations are not reinforced, so faka'apa'apa [respect] can erode," she says.

The serving role of the tou'a is one which is bound to Tongan kava traditions, both ceremonially and in small gatherings.

In these settings, participants sit in a circle, traditionally on the floor, sharing bowls of kava while drinking, talking and sometimes singing late into the night.

The tou'a sits at the centre serving the drink, often as the only woman among a group of men.

Many Tongan women choose to tou'a for various reasons, whether it's to improve their language skills, make some money, or help out the community.

The latter of which was how Ms Kaafi found herself in the role.

She says she always knew it meant more than being "just a woman serving kava".

"[The tou'a] is symbolic just as much as kava is, and she's part of that circle," she says.

"[Tou'a] represents respect for our tradition of maintaining protocol and dignity in a traditional kava circle or ceremony."

Throughout her travels, Ms Kaafi says she worked as a tou'a in gatherings across New Zealand, Tonga, and the US, where she's currently based.

And while smaller village or church meetings were simple enough to work, Ms Kaafi says there were other gatherings where she worried about her safety.

Calls for a ban

Ms Kaufusi has since launched a campaign calling for a ban on female tou'a in general kava sessions, arguing the role in these informal environments is placing women at risk.

But some argue calls to ban or alter the role of tou'a is misguided.

Pahulu is a matapule — or talking Chief —who hails from the village of Kolovai, where the tou'a role originates.

He is responsible for teaching traditional kava ceremonies and says the position is deeply tied to royal and cultural protocol.

"The role of tou'a comes from the traditional kava ceremony. It is the monarch's tradition, and we can never change the role of tou'a from the royal custom," Pahulu says.

He says both men and women can perform the role, but having a female tou'a is different.

"You might get a female tou'a if you're fundraising for something, and it's certain they will get a female tou'a to preside to elevate the occasion," Pahulu says.

In formal ceremonies, tou'a are selected from Kolovai, a village on the western side of Tongatapu, to preside over events such as the installation of a monarch or important cultural celebrations.

These settings are highly structured and governed by strict protocol.

Edmond Fehoko, who has conducted extensive research into kava groups based in New Zealand, believes they can also be good for the community.

Dr Fehoko says these groups are "a space where young people can stay away from alcohol … drug use and abuse and mental health issues".

"We've seen a lot of young people come in to open up … [their] emotions and feelings, particularly our young men, in a way that they can't do anywhere else."

Shifting attitudes

Lawyer Teimumu Tapueluelu says while social media has brought the right amount of attention to the issue, she believes placing regulations on kava groups would be near impossible because each would be subject to the laws of the country in which they're based.

She also says conflating cultural practices and criminal misconduct is legally incorrect and culturally irresponsible.

"That narrative needs to be reviewed because what it does is that it shifts the focus from the perpetrators to the cultural practice," she says.

Despite the difficulty in placing regulations on kava groups, Ms Kaafi believes they should be held to higher standards.

"I just hope that there is a call for action … so we can protect our community and further educate our children about our tradition," she says.

And although her tou'a experiences have been marred by bullying and harassment, not all of them have been bad.

She says one time, a kava group member stepped in, "like an angel sent from God".

While she can't recall his name, she does remember what he did.

"He always tried to calm things down when they were starting to bully me … or even try to make sexual comments."

"He'd be like, 'OK, let's serve the kava, let's get everybody … their cups.' And then he'll start to hold conversations with everybody and, kind of like, change the subject or get them to be distracted.

"And he just turned to me. He was like, 'You're going to be OK.'"

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